I do love you, by the way.
I mean as much as I’m capable of loving anyone…
— which is never enough.
Though taken from Best Thing That Ever Happened, Bojack Horseman, S3.E9, I share this precise feeling.
这一年，我犹豫我要做怎样的一个人 —— 像在快车道上那样做一个生产创造者，还是一个唯利是图、“沐浴着资本之恶”的投机倒把者 / 一个借灾难发财甚至为此制造灾难的破坏者，还是一个“应该自我出口到澳新”的没有竞争力的混吃等死者，抑或一个回到老家、老婆孩子热炕头的归隐者，或者别的啥。
以免未来的我也莫名其妙：从“为人服务、你我双赢”的“博爱” 到 “在座的各位都是辣鸡 / 韭菜就是要被收割 / 狼行千里吃肉 狗行千里吃屎 / 雪崩之时没有一片雪花是无辜的”的社会达尔文，到“我过得也不是奢华可是大把的人活得不如我 / 我就是没什么硬实力可我不管我就是要活得比大多数人好，不凭什么，就凭我是我 / 追求收益-努力的最大化”的小资，到不问世事、神仙眷侣的笑傲江湖。各种各样的人生，其实我都不排斥。唯一遗憾的是，我只能选一两样。这也算是 【You can be anything, but you can’t be everything】道出的遗憾吧（哎，我还是没能做到整篇都用中文啊）
我发现我其实是不愿意活在社会或者他人给我的框架里，我不愿意按照设计师设计的玩法去玩：我还是接受现实、不会去改变世界也不会去标新立异地改变自己的 —— 我过河还是会过桥或者乘船而不是游泳（除非为了娱乐）或者填河或者造坝的 —— 在这一点上我是“老实”的。不老实的是，我会去想避开收费站是否是可行的、桥上设有检查关卡那是不是乘船或者游泳或者坐热气球假装观光就不查了、桥和船竞争用户导致每过一次桥/乘一次船给我发礼券的话那如何一天过一万次桥/乘一万次船等等 —— 试图“弄坏”框架并因此获利。
Abusive language contained. Viewers’ discretion is advised.
I ain’t a (regular) blog person. But I do like asking (fundamental and scary) whys and thinking them over(!)
And now, I am writing them down… as regards.
Before anything, here’s my short list of resolutions in 2014.
Hmm … actually it was for year 2013. Well, let’s just say we all procrastinate or I am responding it once for all.
I’ll say I did make progress, if not have achieved them.
I challenged myself physically — trekking in mountains in Annapurna, Maclehose and Kinabalu. Thank you, guys, for your lead (You know who you are).
I am mentally even stronger. I give even less fucks now. Though I am now kinda in a transition period, that I am in between things to give my fucks to, I dived in things that I gave fucks to, and not sparing fucks elsewhere. (What? I appear cold blooded? Okay,, but,, why should I give a fuck?! You ever heard of “on the Internet, no one can hear you being subtle”? and “If I am curt with you, it’s because time is a factor. I think fast, I talk fast and I need you to act fast. So, pretty please, with sugar on top, clean the fucking car”?)
And, yes, I am closer to world class. Thing is, the more stuff you know, the more places you’ve worked in, the more people you’ve worked with, you’d better read (and think more!) to work out a theory to put them all in. Otherwise,,, how can I put this precisely,,, I won’t say “you are wasting your life for not thinking” (‘cuz there’s not any point in one’s life at all. I’ll get to that later), I’d say you are not playing optimally, ‘cuz you are not evolving. You are losing (and that’s OK nevertheless, somebody has gotta lose). It’s just a shame, as we all live once only (as today’s technology allows).
World class is not solely about stuff. It’s not even 30% about (diving into) stuff. It is about staying on top of the game (which does require a scientific mind however). I believe world class people think alike, regardless of what they do. “All roads lead to Rome”.
OK. So much for the recap.
Now the some topics I’d like to cover.
Artificial Super intelligence: our immortality or extinction?
It got me thinking — what is it, that makes us mankind different from ASIs we might build some day? AI is certainly built for achieving some goals. The question of how is totally left to the AI. (Isn’t it the whole point of AI — solving the “how”?) So I asked: are we any different from the ASIs that exist for some preset ultimate goals? What makes humanity special? Why we are here? Who put us here?
Yea, yea, your smart ass would quote Darwin that human evolved from monkeys, which evolved from other even more primitive forms of life. But that answers “how” (we get where we are); it doesn’t answer “why” (the fuck we are where we are). See?
Now it is getting personal (and mythological). I am solely sharing my opinions. If yours differ,
comments are welcome I don’t give a fuck.
So, why we are here? It depends… on what “we” is referring to.
If “we” refers to mankind, the human species, I’d say it is an inevitable stage, if not the final outcome of the physics process ever-going in the universe — there’s no fucking why. At some point in time, life will appear somewhere (and extinct later possibly). And, like ASIs which is a form of life virtually, we are here we are with a purpose. So what is it?
It is found deeply within.. so deep that we have a name for it: instinct — you naturally desire to be fed, to survive, to breed (though now sex is abused for pleasure instead of reproduction. Oh, thank you, God Evolution. high five up here), to protect your descendants and close relatives, to be curious, to explore, to know, to expand etc. You don’t question why unless you consciously ask. That’s what evolution is fucking with us. That’s exactly what happened. We have evolved in such a way that these primitive goals are rooted in our nerves. Humanity (together with animality) is not too much different from any other developed species, like ASI (in fact, human civilization can’t be called developed at all).
On the other hand, if “we” refers to every fucking individual,,, shocking and painful as it might sound, your existence do not really have a point. YOU DON’T MEAN *SHIT*. Yea, I am shattering your ego right now:
– Oh, I’ve got loads of money.
– Does that buy you high (hmm, you sure can buy loads of high, but you know I am not talking about the kinda high you can buy)? Does that buy you happiness? love? fulfillment? eternity?
Even if you get eternity, what are you gonna do — ‘cuz now everything can wait?!
– Oh, I have done xxx and yyy cool shit that is not only awesome to me, but also of great use to mankind.
– Someone will if you don’t. But good for you that it got you high (sense of accomplishment).
Point is, you are not here for any particular “purpose”, or mission (!) You are not liable to accomplish any fucking thing in your lifetime.
Imagine, you are wiped out from this world this moment. There’re only like, your family and close friends crying for you about 3 months, tops. Then everybody gets back to what they were up to. The world still goes.
Even more anti-humane, how about 1 billion random people are wiped out at this instant? Yea, sharp drop in production due to labor shortage and grief; rock bottom to economy; then politics. Cards will be shuffled, rules will be re-defined etc, but the world will still go on.
That’s why I don’t give my slightest fucks when I hear about casualties. Don’t you fucking patronize me. The world would most definitely go on. This game never sleeps.
And even more frightening, what if all men (Yea, I mean men and women when I put “men”. Call me sexist and then what? Fuck political correctness) evaporate right at this second? So what? The world (universe) goes on. What’s the big difference to the universe that some two-leg two-arm one-junk species on a planet orbiting a star located near the edge of the enormous Milk Way extincts? Not much difference even if the whole solar system gets wiped out. You argue the universe is dead? Maybe some other civilizations are living, prospering in a galaxy far beyond our reach. You can’t say no to that unless you have lost your logic. Taking one step back, assuming at some point in time, all lives in the universe have ceased to exist. However, it doesn’t mean they cease to exist forever and anywhere?! Taking two steps back, how is the universe “dead” as nebulae form stars, stars seize planets, stars become white dwarf, neutron stars, black holes? It is lively enough already.
I got carried away. So I was saying you as an individual are not liable to accomplish anything according-to-the-books significant. The world is quite OK without anyone,, or mankind. On the bright side, you are already accomplishing if you are still breathing and making a living — your existence proves your survival, and your genes qualify to pass on (with a “pass” grade only, to be precise. But, that’s totally cool. A cohort of all A’s isn’t stable, is it?).
I ain’t no public figure. I am not liable to watch my speech so as not to “poison” the thoughts of young students or junior colleagues.
I enjoy fucking political correctness.
Yea, I am fucking aware of that gal who got fucked up so good by her racism Tweet.
Racism or not, people who get offended *should* be offended. I mean, cool niggers like Chris Rock won’t let this kinda shit bother them. It ain’t outside. It is within.
Beside, I don’t even use fucking Twitter that is the cornerstone of any information of sustenance; and I am sure that people who can spend time reading this post surely ain’t some dickless schmucks who can’t take challenges.
Yea, by now you have come to realize that I am *so* abusive. As a matter of fact, I don’t even know why the fuck that I use so many “fucks”. Maybe it is the bursting sound (amazing!) that gets my thoughts, and emotions accompany straight outa my chest. It just hits the spot.
Life is like a pulp fiction. Mostly mundane, plenty of ugly and only a few pages of beauty, all of which are lousily printed, casually stacked and stapled and thrown at you.
Guns can go off. Shots can miss. Hitmen also need to piss. Most movies don’t (care) to present these. But Pulp Fiction does. and moreover, letting those dominate. That’s why I have watched it more than 10 times — C’est la vie.
Life’s the big game here.
Looking forward to more beauty in Section 2015!
Happy Chinese New Year, y’all!