My 2017

OK. Yearly comeback.

Yea, again, I kinda hate the me who wrote “My 2016”. But anyway, here goes what I have to say.

  1. Why The Older You Get, The More You Hate Everyone (And Why That’s OK)
    I still believe most adults are really open to make friends and learn, only if people they meet are “worthy”. We live guarded. No one I can find whom I can say anything to — my ups, downs, secrets.
  2. Did my life actually “take off” in 2017 as I said in “My 2016”? Yes and no.
    Career sucks.
    Day job career sucks.
    Most day job career sucks.
    Occupation burnout happens every two years on me.  Company turns, or the people turn, or me turn. It is a dynamic problem managing work-load, communications (both professional and managerial), expectations. Maybe it’s me suck at it, No?And that was the NO part.

    I have started trading, at first as an amateur and now as a business.
    I could spent whole day talking about trading but two utmost things, of top priority, are capital allocation and strict execution. No matter what kind of trader or investor you are, what techniques you employ, what books you have read, how old you are and how long you have been around, how much you (think you) know about the market. Without the utmost 2 important creeds, you will be easily killed in one single day.

    Take the recent Feb 2018 crash. Oh boy. Shorting volatility has been so… obscene! Obscene is the word. SVXY climbed over 200% in year 2017!,, before gave it all back (almost) on Mon, 5 Feb!  Jay Somaney made a mere 190% in 2017 with all the excellent work, but anyone blindly throwing all his money at SVXY (but, like I said before, bad idea) would have achieve the same, and some more.

    Was I hurt? Yes and no. At first yes and then I took advantage of the extreme fear. No, no way I will post my trades. But obscene profits.

    Life has been pretty good since I traded full-time, after I quit my job since Dec 2016. Though I still do PLENTY of work relating to trading everyday — trading professionally takes full-time attention — I don’t get burnt out. Maybe again in two years. But maybe never.

    Day jobs are pretty much the same day to day. But markets? Oh man.

  3. With all that said, I still have a day job commencing after Chinese New Year.
    A salary is a salary. Not bad still. Trading through the night is freaking burning the life candle.Good luck and have fun.
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新天地

说自己内心强大的,来股市验证一下吧。

I do love you, by the way.

I mean as much as I’m capable of loving anyone…

— which is never enough.

I’m sorry.

 

 

Though taken from Best Thing That Ever Happened, Bojack Horseman, S3.E9, I share this precise feeling.

2016年

每年年底总会矫情地回到这里写点什么,算是一个总结。
—— 然而我发现我的草稿箱里躺着两篇《我的2015年》。

翻了翻以前的语句,发现:如果我不认识我,我不会喜欢我。
脏话也许在当时那个时点、在当时的settings是可以理解的。但是时间会让我改变自身的观念,并忘了彼时的情绪,以至于我觉得写下之前语句的我是个低微的、没有见识的人。

 

好吧,正文开始。

今年应该是起飞前的一年(之一),如果后来我真的“上天”的话。
是收获的一年,也是沉闷的一年。
是成长的一年,也是崩坏的一年。

这一年,我犹豫我要做怎样的一个人 —— 像在快车道上那样做一个生产创造者,还是一个唯利是图、“沐浴着资本之恶”的投机倒把者 / 一个借灾难发财甚至为此制造灾难的破坏者,还是一个“应该自我出口到澳新”的没有竞争力的混吃等死者,抑或一个回到老家、老婆孩子热炕头的归隐者,或者别的啥。

以免未来的我也莫名其妙:从“为人服务、你我双赢”的“博爱” 到 “在座的各位都是辣鸡 / 韭菜就是要被收割 / 狼行千里吃肉 狗行千里吃屎 / 雪崩之时没有一片雪花是无辜的”的社会达尔文,到“我过得也不是奢华可是大把的人活得不如我 / 我就是没什么硬实力可我不管我就是要活得比大多数人好,不凭什么,就凭我是我 / 追求收益-努力的最大化”的小资,到不问世事、神仙眷侣的笑傲江湖。各种各样的人生,其实我都不排斥。唯一遗憾的是,我只能选一两样。这也算是 【You can be anything, but you can’t be everything】道出的遗憾吧(哎,我还是没能做到整篇都用中文啊)

所以舍鱼而取熊掌也不一定是聪明,舍生取义也不一定是蠢。

然而,即使话说到这份上,你让我明儿就姓社姓党也是不可能的。做出改变总是难的。
就像【万钟则不辩礼义而受之  万钟于我何加焉】的孟子不会去发国难财一样。

人说我不在乎别人怎么看我,其实我有点在乎。

我不在乎别人说我不务正业,可是我会在乎别人说我学艺不精、火候未到、不是这块料。
我不在乎别人说我穷,我在乎别人说我志短。
我不在乎说我不孝,我在乎说我游却无方。
不在乎说我冷血、偏激,在乎说我少智、片面。
不在乎说我单身狗,在乎说我妹子丑(大雾)。

(未完待续,此续非彼续。唉,“膜”也是今年染上的坏习惯)

我发现我其实是不愿意活在社会或者他人给我的框架里,我不愿意按照设计师设计的玩法去玩:我还是接受现实、不会去改变世界也不会去标新立异地改变自己的 —— 我过河还是会过桥或者乘船而不是游泳(除非为了娱乐)或者填河或者造坝的 —— 在这一点上我是“老实”的。不老实的是,我会去想避开收费站是否是可行的、桥上设有检查关卡那是不是乘船或者游泳或者坐热气球假装观光就不查了、桥和船竞争用户导致每过一次桥/乘一次船给我发礼券的话那如何一天过一万次桥/乘一万次船等等 —— 试图“弄坏”框架并因此获利

(未完待续)

人生一辈子其实很短。回头一看,毕业之后,“摸爬滚打”也4年了。尝了一些(仍然不敢说很多,因为深知生活可以有多惨)酸苦辣,人也变得更平静、包容。学着降低对外界的预期,并努力抵抗生活的平淡和机械带来的懈怠。

【人每次活得无味了,就应该“小死”一次。】(出处已不明)

所以,勇敢地去犯错吧,学着奖励自己吧,骚年!

 

(完)

当一个人可以没有愧疚地说出”刻薄”的话, 做出”自私”的事, 他才开始成为一个(有力的)生存机器.

We are just devices of our genes.

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